A Personal Breakthrough
To publish this dialogue with my very personal inner voices, and ones that have only appeared yesterday, is a breakthrough for me.
In the past few years I realised that if I wished to promote the things I care about in our world, I need to reveal much more about my personal process. Until recently the idea was almost intolerable. These are such intimate, sensitive things and they can very easily be misunderstood. I share them only with people I’m close to or with those who understand Voice Dialogue and working with selves. My transformation, however, continues to unfold, and sharing this has become possible. I hope, trust and believe you will read this with sensitivity and respect.
A Self in Ora is not ‘Ora’
When reading about inner voices/selves/parts, it is vital to remember that they are only facets of a complex, paradoxical tapestry. These selves are not ‘Ora’. They are parts, and only parts, of ‘Ora’. As I discover more and more of these parts, I am revealed to myself and to others.
The Glass and Crystal Children
I have been working with inner children and other selves – some of whom are extremely sensitive – for years. Many years ago I discovered that, apart form the vulnerable children I already knew, there were also glass and crystal children within me, who were even more sensitive. I learned to be with them and to love them without identifying with them.
Discovering the glass and crystal children within was one of the greatest gifts I ever received. These delicate, breakable, glass and crystal selves gave me many gifts, including a new kind of empowerment. It turned out they were indestructible. Throughout the years I also met and came to love voices within me who had very different qualities – self confidence, leadership, roughness, coldness, stiffness – and everything else that exists in the human race.
The Crystal Woman and Man
Yesterday I discovered the Crystal Woman. She finds the world a very difficult place, and she finds men very difficult. In order to understand the context, it’s important to stress that I love and appreciate men very much. I have good, healthy relationships with many men. I also know and love the masculine selves within me, and their presence in my life is a great blessing. Beloved men, take note: the Crystal Woman says there is also a Crystal Man waiting to be discovered.
Meeting the Crystal Woman
I bring the first conversation with the Crystal Woman and Rough Eli’ezer (originaly in Hebrew) with very little editing:
I understand that I am called to do more work regarding the vulnerability of women in relationship with men, women who are waiting for men (a fascinating collective self that arrived some time ago) and the frustration and disappointment that sometimes arrises in women where men are concerned.
Who needs to speak about this?
A vague vulnerability is present.
Unclear selves – Hello… It hurts….
Aware Ora – Yes. Pain. What exactly do you feel?
Selves – Burning, disappointment. Pain and perhaps a bit insulted.
Ora – Mmmmm….
Selves – It’s so sad. We feel despair.
Ora – I’m listening.
Selves – It makes us want to curl in some corner. Our belly feels so exposed, so sensitive. We need to curl into a ball and hide from it. Only it doesn’t work. The pain follows us everywhere.
Ora – I see. And I feel there are many of you. Perhaps it’s important to see each one of you separately?
Selves – Okay. There are a few of us here… A thin sensitive woman who feels her stomach is cut up and injured.
Ora – Shall we begin with you, dear?
Self – Yes please. I remind you of a woman you know.
Ora – That’s right. Hello my dear. I realise I didn’t understand you were there. It’s strange.
Self – I called you a lot but you were busy with others.
Ora – I’m sorry. I apologise.
Self – I am wearing a semi-transparent dress made of a pearly, shiny fabric. My skin is delicate and almost transparent. I’m very thin but not skinny or gaunt.
Ora – I understand you have some difficulty with men, my dear?
Self – I am terribly afraid to be hurt by them. To be disappointed. I’m so delicate.
Ora – Oh. That’s sad.
Self – Yes. They’re so unconnected to their gentleness. There’s no chance.
Ora – So what is going on with you?
Self – I can’t even walk upright, straighten my back. It exposes the soft injured belly.
Ora – I see.
Self – And I find it hard to look into other’s eyes. Everything in this world hurts me. I’m too vulnerable for this world. I am the Crystal Woman.
Ora – Wow. I see. (from now on I call her the Crystal Woman).
The Crystal Woman – How can I look directly into peoples’ faces when I’m so weak? So vulnerable and hurt and sensitive? (It feels as if her crystal abdomen is broken. The sharp shards wound her even more).
Ora – Oh, dear.
The Crystal Woman – And to actually feel safe with a man seems like an almost impossible dream. Not almost. Impossible.
Ora – If you could dream any dream, what would your dream be?
The Crystal Woman – A place where everyone is transparent, crystalline and beautiful like me. Everyone is sensitive and no one hurts others intentionally or unintentionally. Everyone walks the earth gently, everyone knows their own delicateness. Everyone respects my sensitive magical beauty as well as their own. I know there are very different parts inside you and in others. I am only talking about myself. About the voices inside you all that are like me…
Ora – I see you. So how do you feel in this place where everyone is made of crystal, walks the world gently and interacts with others with sensitivity?
The Crystal Woman – I gradually heal. Yes. I suddenly realised I am also collective… It will take some time for me to feel I can stand straight and not protect my soft abdomen all the time.
Ora – Please continue to imagine this possibility.
The Crystal Woman – Little by little I begin to flower. I am so beautiful. You have no idea what beauty there is in us, the crystal women and men.
Ora – My beauty. Magical.
The Crystal Woman – I need a lot of quiet time, gentle nature, nurturing, safety. Then I flower quietly and the light shines in me.
Ora – Wow.
The Crystal Woman – And all around me there are selves of light and beauty. Don’t worry. I know I’m not the only self. I know there is also roughness and wildness and darkness. But now it’s my time to be heard. You know many crystal children but you’ve never met me.
Ora – True. True. And I’m so happy to meet you.
The Crystal Woman – And because of me you are searching for people who won’t be alarmed by this and who know how to live with me or that want to learn how to embrace me and live with me. My Ora.
Ora – You are wondrous. Continue to imagine. So you are in a place where everyone is like you, and they are all sensitive and delicate.
The Crystal Woman – Then very slowly I can become excited, I can relax and sometimes flower. The sun can reach me. Earlier I needed to hide from it.
Ora – Beautiful… You are so beautiful.
The Crystal Woman – And maybe one day my belly will stop aching. That will feel so good. I can see that.
Ora – What do you need from me to make things easier for you?
The Crystal Woman – I need you to see me and work with me.
Ora – I’d be glad to. It’s an honour.
The Crystal Woman – I am connected to a poem you wrote – Tom Magician.
Ora – Yes.
The Crystal Woman – Don’t expect me to feel good immediately. It will probably take me some time.
Ora – Sure. I gently stroke your hair. You are wanted and loved by me as you are. Appreciated.
The Crystal Woman – I see that now.
Ora – Thank you so much for coming, special woman. A gift. A gift for me and for all of us.
The Crystal Woman – And of course there is The Crystal Man too.
Ora – How wonderful to know that. Thank you… And now I would like to speak with an opposite self of some sort.
Meeting an Opposite Self – Rough Eli’ezer
In ‘Voice Dialogue’ after meeting a voice, we invite a second voice that is, in some way, polarised to the first. This keeps the work balanced, safe and effective, while nourishing the ‘aware ego process’. I invited a polarised self without knowing who will arrive.
Self – No chance.
Ora – Hello. Why not?
Self – Listen sweety. There’s no place for something like her in this world. Here people slaughter each other and she wants sensitivity? Ha! She won’t survive one minute in this world.
Ora – Okay.
Self – Listen sweety. In this world and in this country there’s no room for this nonsense. It’s something you have to hide or bury.
Ora – What do you believe in?
Self – I believe in being down-to-earth. I’m earthy and rough. I have the hands of a man that uses his hands, works with the soil, with tools. My skin is rough, thick. I am hurt by nothing. Nothing goes through my elephant skin. More than elephant skin. They’re actually sensitive. My feelings are also rough, crude. I only have two or three emotions and even that is a waste of time. You shouldn’t feel at all. It’s unnecessary.
Ora – Wow. You’re fascinating!
Self – What are you so excited about? You see? What’s with all this excitement and enthusiasm and big words? It’s unnecessary and it’s just a disturbance.
Ora – Disturbance?
Self – It gets in the way of doing the work and of survival if there’s danger. There is no room for this, no room, I tell you, for vulnerability and sensitivity and emotions. The system works fine without them. Look at me: wake up, wash my face, a cold shower sometimes. Out to work. Pipes, a tractor, a spade and a hoe and a big hammer. Bring what you need. Take what you need. My name is Rough Eli’ezer.
Ora – Do you have a relationship with anyone, a woman?
Rough Eli’ezer – I might have a wife and kids. I’m pretty detached from them. They’re kind of strangers to me. I know them. No more.
Ora – So all your work – is for?
Rough Eli’ezer – I don’t see you need a reason. You work because you work. That’s it. That’s what you do. Nothing more.
Ora – Do you have sex with your wife?
Rough Eli’ezer – Sure. Two minutes and we’re done. It’s maintenance. No feelings. Some release. It’s fine.
Ora – Anything you need?
Rough Eli’ezer – Never need. Simple food. Bread with tahini and a tomato. I don’t laugh. My face hardly moves. But you know what I’m discovering?
Ora – What?
Rough Eli’ezer – That deep inside, underneath layers of skin and rough tough flesh, there’s a real pleasant warmth.
Ora – Wow! Tell.
Rough Eli’ezer – I didn’t know this myself. As if deep inside there’s a warm sun burning in me. I’m like nature. Soil. The sun shining on it. Warming it.
Ora – Anything else?
Rough Eli’ezer – And maybe I’m vulnerable.
Ora – What? Really?
Rough Eli’ezer – Underneath all my roughness… yes. It scares me to find out, Ora.
Ora – I understand.
Rough Eli’ezer – If I’m vulnerable I’m lost.
Ora – Not necessarily, I think.
Rough Eli’ezer – Maybe that other one you talked to earlier is actually the vulnerability I feel.
Ora – Could you check, please?
Rough Eli’ezer – Yes. I am actually trying to protect her from the world… so it doesn’t hurt her.
Ora – Can you see it doesn’t seem to help her, my dear? This way she is uncared for.
Rough Eli’ezer – She needs guards. Protection.
Ora – Perhaps we can arrange that somehow.
Rough Eli’ezer – Yes. That’s good.
Ora – Anything else for now?
Rough Eli’ezer – I’m like a farmer, 60 years old. Everything in me is tough and coarse. I’m made of soil and rocks. I don’t think too much and I hardly feel. I live. That’s all. Work.
Ora – Do you have a motto of some kind?
Rough Eli’ezer – Wake up, work, survive.
Ora – Thank you. What is your gift for me?
Rough Eli’ezer – Roughness, resilience, the ability to just live and work without making a fuss. You know, I don’t make a fuss. I hardly talk. I make noises and growl here and there. Simple, minimal talk. And you have so many words. God. You don’t need so many.
Ora – I know that’s how you see it.
Rough Eli’ezer – That’s how I see it.
Ora – Thanks. Tell me, what would happen if the crystal woman was exposed?
Rough Eli’ezer – Instantaneous death. The air touches her and she dies. And if she doesn’t she’ll always be injured. There is no place for her.
Both Selves from the Aware Ego
I see you both, two very clear poles. And one of you seems to be trying, without knowing it, to protect the other’s vulnerability. I hold within me both sides, both of you. I stay with you. I admire you. Observe. Experience. Thank you.
A few days after this meeting, the Collective Crystal Woman arrived.