If you are a change-agent, a leader, a leader in the making, or feel strongly about wanting to influence society and the world – this post may be for you. That is especially true if you find it hard to actually do your work, become a leader, make a change. The collective self I will be sharing with you today – the outcast – appeared without being officially invited. It turned out he may be a major part within us all that can cause us to avoid our life work as innovators and leaders. This does not mean in any way that this self is the only one related to such matters.
but first a few words about what’s happening with the work in general.

It’s been a while since I last wrote. This doesn’t mean that the collective work has been discontinued. Tim Kelley and I continue our weekly adventurous meetings to discover more and more collective selves and to help them (and thus ourselves) as much as we can. There is a monthly meeting in Newe Shalom with a group of amazing, committed, people in which we continue this healing investigation. Tim joins us whenever he comes to Israel. We have also begun a monthly training for a group of inspiring women (who also participate in the Newe Shalom meetings), who are learning to facilitate Collective Selves in a group setting.

The Outcast Caveman

The Outcast Caveman arrived when I suggested that this time we allow whatever needs to appear to appear instead of inviting a Self we have already met or beginning by addressing a specific issue or through exploring something we are feeling that does not seem personal. This unknowing approach often allows for important things, that may be especially unconscious, to arise.

So I was not experiencing anything in particular as we began the meeting, except for a dim expectation for some important collective or personal Self to show itself.

I soon felt a vague sensation as if my torso was diagonally cut. To begin with, as is often the case, this collective Self did not know itself. The conversation with him allowed him to become clear both to himself and to us.

The Outcast Caveman: …I don’t know who I am.  It’s like I showed you – there’s diagonal, curved line of pain going around the face and jaw, cutting diagonally to the other side. I feel like I’m a bit… she’s feeling pretty good, but I’m feeling a kind of despair. I’m sitting outside, in the open, and there’s a campfire….Behind the fire, I can see the opening of a cave….

Tim: What else can you see?

The Outcast:  I think I’m a very early human, perhaps, or something like that.  Maybe 5000 years ago.  I think I was kicked out of the tribe. I think I’m alone here. What comes up for me, though I still can’t remember what happened, is something like being kicked out for being different. I think I have to do with being different, because what happened was I was trying to lead the tribe to new things, to help things get better for us. I had ideas. After a short while, they began to ridicule me and they just kicked me out.  They couldn’t handle my free spirit, that I saw things differently and thought I knew a better way of doing things. Now I’m very, very alone and lonely. I will probably not survive very long, because it’s very difficult to get food when you’re alone. But I don’t care. I care, but I’m trying to feel as if I don’t.

Tim: Is there anything that might help you?

The Outcast: If I understood a little more what my importance is, experienced it, maybe that would help.  I’m in a lot of pain.  I really meant well.  Maybe I was a little bit arrogant, but I meant well. To be cast out is very, very painful.

Tim: I can see that.

The Outcast: …I’m very tribal but also very forward-thinking. I always saw new things that the tribe couldn’t understand. I’m more of a thinker, a technological innovator, not a shaman or spiritual leader.  But the principle is the same:  when you see things in a much wider way than the others, they think you’re crazy, that you want to do them harm, or that you want to take over. That’s really painful.

In my case, it really turned out badly.  I’m a collective part but of course I exist in individuals. Being outcast makes me feel so hopeless. I have this really deep cut in me, which is so painful.  I yearn to go back to the embrace of my tribe.  The warmth. Right now, I would go back, even if it meant giving up innovation and change.  I feel so cut off from sources of community, help and love.  Will I always be alone like this?  Nobody to keep me company, no children, no wife.  I’m still pretty young. I left my wife behind; she wouldn’t come with me.  It’s like the end of the world for me!  Life has ended.  I haven’t had a chance to do all the things I wanted to do.  It was cut short.

Tim: Can we help you?

The Outcast: First of all, please, Ora, accept me to your tribe, now that you know that I exist.  Remember me, talk about me, embrace me.  Don’t leave me alone in the cold.  Maybe that will help and heal me in the end – if I find a place with Ora:  she has a huge community inside her, right?  Maybe I can be accepted there.  If she told people about me, maybe I would be accepted more.

We [collective selves sometimes talk in the plural] want to help.  You see that. The horrible thing is that I was trying to help my people. Being thrown out because you are trying to help is horrible.  Perhaps if all us outcasts grouped together… but if we didn’t also try to help people, that wouldn’t be enough.  But if we could show that we had something to offer and then went back?  It’s also terrible because of the risk for my survival and because of losing my family. Whatever happens, so long as I’m not accepted by my tribe, there will be pain.  A man needs to belong to his people.

Tim: You seem to be feeling a bit better now?

The Outcast: I think you’re right.  I’m still in a lot of pain, but I’m seeing options and opportunities.  It’s a beginning. It’s giving me hope and purpose.  Even with this terrible pain, perhaps I’ll be able to find my way. It’s all still vague.
It’s like I’m talking from all different levels.  I can see that I can… it’s like giving out a kind of radio signal, on Ora’s level, in a way.  This signal calls people that are like-minded to find each other, like a homing signal.  And then they can find Ora, or Ora can find them, and they can give more support to each other.  In a way, that’s what happened with you and Ora, for example.  From my point of view, this is what happened:  because she didn’t know me intimately until now, it was much more difficult for her.  Now that she knows me, it will be a little clearer and easier to walk the path and find fellow travelers.  She’s growing fellow travelers as well.  People around her, she helps  them grow and then they become partners. What I ask of both of you is when you get some time to do some personal work with something in you that is similar.  I see all the time both the personal and collective aspect. We’re inside everybody.  In order for everything to progress, we really need some healing, because we’re in amazing pain. Maybe then I’ll really know who I am.  Thank you and Ora for listening and for finding me.  Also, ask Ora to write something about me.  Maybe she’ll restart her blog for that.

The text has been slightly shortened and changed for the sake of clarity and privacy.


2 thoughts on “The Outcast Innovator

    • It is very touching to know this is resonating. Thank you.
      I wish I had time to write about so many other archeselves – all important and fascinating.

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