On April 18, 2011, I felt I should ‘visit’ ‘The Little Ones’ collective voice again, see how they are doing. This visit led to a meeting with what may be another sub-group of ‘The Children of Humanity’ – children who somehow did not grow. If this is indeed a sub-group I am not sure yet, but it may be important to find out. In this case the conversation with ‘The Little Ones’ was done while typing.
Ora (O) – Can I please speak with The Little Ones?
Little Ones (LO)- We’re a little better, Ora.
O – That’s lovely! How is it that you are a little better?
LO – We don’t need much to feel a little better. We need someone to see us and be with us and love us.
O – I love you so much my heart is full! It is being with you that makes my heart feel so good.
LO – We are beginning to remember who we really are, that we are not only little sacks of depression and that we don’t want to die. Not really. We were just so depressed and alone.
O – Tell me, my darlings, can you look around and see if you are all feeling better or maybe it’s just a group of you that’s feeling better? Can you help me check this out?
LO – We are on a small hill and we look around. Here the sun is shining but we can see there are many who are not feeling good yet. Oh no! They don’t seem well at all. We see the bigger kids sitting there, as if they are dead and there’s still a lot of suffering. But there are pockets of sunshine where the kids feel better.
O – Would you like to help me help them?
LO – It’s like we’re afraid it will creep on us and we’ll be depressed again.
O – I understand you. It’s not been a long time since you’ve begun to feel a bit better. If we do try it and if you agree – we’ll do it very gently and carefully. I love you.
Later that day I spoke with them again.
O – Hello children!
LO – Hello Ora!
It feels as if kids rush around me and to me and all hug me.
O – That feels so good!
LO – We thought about what you said and we would like to help. When we look around and see all the other kids with heads drooping and dead faces – how can we be so happy?
O – That’s very kind of you. How do you feel when I say that?
LO – Just so happy! So joyful and gentle and strong all at once.
O – So just to try it, let’s go to that kid over there who is sitting on a pile of rubble with a dead face, dead eyes, head drooping.
We walk over, the kids and me. I think there are dozens of happy kids around me – very young.
O – I think we need to be gentle with him. What do you think?
LO – Okay.
We stand in a circle around him and just look at him with good intentions in our heart. He lifts his head and stares, eyes dead.
LO (to the boy) – We felt awful before and now we don’t. We want to show you how to do that.
O – Can I touch you?
He seems about 10 years old and simply doesn’t react. I move and gently hold his chin up with a lot of love. He suddenly falls on me and hugs me in terrible tears. I stroke his back and the Little Ones huddle in and put their chubby palms on his legs.
O – We care.
Child – I thought no one will ever come for me!
We are all crying now but there’s a warmth to it. I hug him and feel his terrible pain.
A day later, when working with Tim Kelley, the ten-year-old arrived again. This is some of what happened [abridged and missing many of Tim’s questions and comments]
The Boy Who Didn’t Grow Up
The Boy Who Didn’t Grow Up (TB) – I don’t know who I am yet. I’m the kid that she met yesterday. Do you think I’m from the Children of Humanity? I think so. I’m an older kid, but very young inside. I don’t know why. My body is older. Maybe I didn’t grow up very well. It’s like I’m a little one in the body of a bigger one. Do you think that’s possible?
Tim – How are you today?
TB – When Ora came, it was the first nice thing that happened to me in many years. I really didn’t think anybody would ever come. I was just sitting there. Suddenly, I could feel again. Then I could cry. Right now, it’s stuck again. I could cry suddenly, because she allowed herself to hug me and I realized what I was feeling. Before that I couldn’t feel. It’s really like I’m a three-year-old in the body of a ten-year-old.
I’d like help. I’d like to be loved….It’s so important, sometimes, to say what you really need. The moment I said it I felt different…..
Tim – How did it happen that you didn’t grow?
TB – Sometimes when you’re little, you suddenly want to die and there’s nobody to help you and you get stuck. You continue to live some more. But then, you’re not really alive. You still want to die, even if you don’t feel it. You feel so bad you want to curl up and die. I want you to know that many children feel like that. If they want to live on, they can’t feel that, so they shut it off. But it’s still there. So many kids are really depressed. Nobody even notices. Nobody even sees, and people say they love their children. They’re all so dead inside so they can’t feel a lot of things…..It depresses me to think how many more there are like me. Sometimes, when I’m talking to you, I want to die. Sometimes I’m not sure. I don’t know. But maybe, instead of curling up and dying, I can curl up and feel better. I’m curling up and somebody puts a nice blanket on me. Somebody cares for me. Somebody gives me a kind of teddy bear. I don’t want to be left alone. I’m still on that rubble heap. It’s nice on top, but it’s a bit unpleasant underneath. Now I see the Little Ones; they’ve come to curl up by my side. Each one of them has a little blanket. We’re just huddling together
Tim – Is there anything else you’d like to say?
TB – When you say that, I think you’re going to leave. Ask me if I need anything.
Tim – Do you need anything?
TB – I don’t know if it’s possible, but I need to be loved on a regular basis. I think I’m the boy who couldn’t grow. Maybe now it will be different when I get some love. I can see that I’m very very nice and sweet. And we’re all curled up on this tiny little hill. It’s more like a bump. But we can’t be left alone without a grownup for long.
Have you found the part of you that’s like me?
At this point the child felt he was trying to help other people help their inner kids. He suddenly felt much better:
TB – It warms my heart when I can help someone. I didn’t know that I wanted to do that; It feels so nice. It feels right, good and nice. It feels different. I feel like I’m me; I don’t know. It’s like I’m more who I am.